


allure/repel

by neonVVitch



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ballet, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo Angst, Dark Side Rey, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, F/M, Family Drama, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Masturbation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possessive Kylo Ren, Rey Needs A Hug, Self-Harm, Smut, Swan Lake - Freeform, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:34:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22819342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neonVVitch/pseuds/neonVVitch
Summary: Modern Ballet Reylo AUAfter dealing with a personal loss, Rey returns to the world of ballet and hopes to begin the new season as Swan Queen. Rey's mind begins to unravel as she loses herself to the role and an increasing madness subdues her. Rey finds herself battling not only the darkness inside her, but a strange man who calls himself Kylo Ren, a ghost from the past who has means to possess the ballerina.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 14
Kudos: 35





	1. delight/dismay

_Breathe._

_Just breathe._

_Now reach out._

A delicate hand reaches toward another, perfectly reflected. They connect at the tip, casting onto one another before pulling away. Rey glides on the tip of her toes, mindful and with precision. She turns on one leg, capturing her double once more in the mirror as she spins slowly. Partnered with herself, she manages to eye every mistake or miscalculated stretch of limb. Rey stops to grab onto the barre, pulling her leg up and feeling the strain of muscle down to her core.

It hurts. The pain was something she had grown to love like a friend. But every friend has a limit and Rey was trying to push her boundaries. Rey drops her leg and keeps one hand steady on the barre, pointing her legs and bouncing on her toes.

Rey takes a deep breath, feeling eyes on her.

These simple exercises were routine and Rey looked around at all the other girls in her assembly line. They moved with grace, trying to match the company’s expectations of what a ballerina should feel and look like. Like so many others, Rey was one that took the craft seriously. She wanted to be perfect, to allure an audience with a simple wave of her hand. But she had been gone for some time due to a personal matter. Now that she was back, Rey criticized everything she did, down to the last turn and pointe. It was never good enough by her standards. After a simple warm up she could feel a break in her demeanor. If she wasn’t able to properly exercise, how could she properly train for the season?

She felt an ache in her stomach, instantly regretting breakfast that morning. 

A hazel gaze meets their match from across the mirror, only her expression mocked her. Her other ballet patrons take notice as Rey walks out of the studio towards the washroom. There she lifts the lid of the toilet and dry heaves, feeling a pain in her chest as she does so. Self-discipline was something she had become accustomed to over the years, torturing herself for every mistake no matter how simple or small it seemed.

Perfection was an ugly beast.

Another dancer knocks on Rey’s stall. “Hurry up in there!”

Rey rolls her eyes, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She pulls the silver lock and steps out, going to the sink. A quick drink of water from the faucet soothes that itch in her throat. Rey’s image still laughs at her and she slaps the glass, her palm stinging.

“Ow,” Rey hisses, regretting the impulse. Her morning wasn’t going over well and the other dancer eyed her with judgement before locking herself in a stall. That didn’t help with the frustration as everyone seemed to be looking at her.

Rey heads back to the studio, adjusting the sleeves of her white shrug. As she walks, she feels the ribbon on her ankle come loose and stops to kneel down and tighten them. As her fingers work on lacing the delicate string, Rey’s instructor Amilyn Holdo walks up to her. Arms crossed and deadly serious, Rey feels like a child beneath her, about to be scolded for misbehaving.

“Rey, good to see you this morning,” she says coolly, her purple hair accenting her paled features. “I heard you took some time off?”

“Just for a bit,” Rey said, not keen on discussing her time away. “I’m back for the season.”

Holdo nods. “Well I’m glad, you are one of my best soloists,” Holdo smiles sympathetically which fades quickly. Holdo has no patience for insubordination. “Although if you leave without excusing yourself again, I won’t hesitate to dismiss you.”

Rey looks Holdo in the eyes, a power play forming. Rey wants to excel and upsetting the instructors certainly wouldn’t help her. “I apologize ma’am.”

“Go.”

Holdo snaps her fingers and Rey walks quickly back into the studio. In line with her reflection, Rey inhales and exhales, trying to calm her nerves. In front of her is Rose, who turns on her toes to face her.

“Hey,” Rose offers a welcoming smile. “Feeling alright?”

“Just nerves,” Rey admitted while bending her knees, hearing them pop. “I’m fine.”

Eyeing Holdo as she walks back in, Rey poses herself and brings her leg up with both hands on the barre. Rose does the same, knowing how intimidating their instructor can be.

“How have you been? You were gone for a bit. Everyone wondered if you’d come back or not.” As good as her intentions were, Rey couldn’t help but feel threatened by Rose’s words.

“I had a personal matter, that’s all,” Rey tried to explain, but now that Rose said something she could feel several sets of eyes on her, all reflected. “I’d never give this up.”

Rey was a soloist while Rose was in corps. One thing Rey admired about Rose was her sister Paige. Paige was a principal dancer within the company, something Rey hoped to covet one day. Rey had many fears, but not being able to dance principal within her lifetime was something she often obsessed over. It only adds to her ambition, striving for those perfect movements despite the physical (and mental) strain. Last season she’d lost to Paige during an audition and Paige went on to dance with Poe Dameron during the production of _Sleeping Beauty._

Rose wasn’t competition, but Paige was. Rey tried not to harbor any ill feelings towards her ballet patrons, but despite the graceful way they presented themselves, every one of them was cutthroat and Rey needed to wield the sharpest blade. 

Rose’s attempt at small talk was undermined as Rey turned away from Rose and continued her exercises at the instruction of Holdo. She’d spent to much time away, she needed to get her mind where it needed to be.

Heads turn as the door opens and every dancer in the room straightens up, standing in salute. Leia Organa Solo walks in, elegant and defined in the way she carries herself. Holdo walks to Leia, greeting her.

“Mistress Leia. Welcome back, we missed you dearly.”

“Amilyn,” Leia nods. “How are my dancers?”

“Just warming up, they’re very excited for you to announce what they’ll be opening the season with.”

Leia smiles. “As I expect them to be.”

Their gazes meet and Rey tries to appear confident when Leia looks her over. They’d both been absent from the company. Most knew why but were too polite to say anything. When Leia left, Rey followed, trying to be discreet. Nepotism didn’t run personal in this company, but Leia was the reason Rey was here. Not many knew of their relation. If not for her and Luke-

“Swan Lake.”

Rey blinked, her mind wandered and she almost missed Leia’s announcement. Everyone looked to one another either excitedly or wearily, knowing the fierce competition that lies ahead.

“We’ll be opening with Swan Lake. The story of a girl turned into a swan, whose prince falls in love with another,” Leia explained, watching carefully for the looks of determination and fear among the dancers. “Lust, betrayal, death all burn and from those embers comes beauty. It’s a production I’ll be glad to share with you all.”

Dancers murmur among one another and Rey keeps to herself, knowing what Leia will say next.

“Only one of you, may inhabit the role of the Swan Queen,” Leia began walking, making rounds among the rows of dancers. “Duality is key. The white swan and the black swan are both figures that are one. A dyad.”

“So,” she continued. “Which one of you will have the means to explore within yourself these elements I am asking for? Virtue, vice. Naivety, cunning. Light and dark. So - impress me girls.”

Leia smiled tenderly before making her exit. In her wake a wave of tension formed, crashing over the men and women. Whispers overlapped and Rey felt the sound fade away into noise. She felt utter delight at the opportunity to dance in Swan Lake, a wonderful comeback after her break.

_Swan Queen._

Rey bit her nail in anticipation. This would be perfect.

* * *

The dates for auditions was set, giving everyone adequate time to prepare.

Rey walked down the hall putting on her white coat when she ran into Poe. “Hey!” he called out.

“Oh, hey,” Rey forced a smile. No doubt, Poe would be another princely principal, Rey could already see his name printed in big bold letters. “How are you?”

“How are you? People missed you, and when I say people, I mean Finn. He’s been asking about you.”

It had been on Rey to reach out to her friends, but with her feelings as of late she’d isolated herself. “I meant to call, everything’s just been hectic. Coming back, I mean – Swan Lake. Isn’t it incredible?”

Poe snickered. “Incredible, yeah that’s one way to think about it. Talk about cliché though.”

Adjusting her weight to one foot to ease her aching toes, Rey racked her brain for simple small talk. “How are you and Finn liking the new place?”

“Oh it’s great, finally just us together,” Poe said with a smirk. “You need to come over, have dinner. Socialize. You can’t stay cooped up forever Rey.”

“I’ll try.” Rey joked, but in truth it was a challenge.

Poe clapped his hands together, cracking his knuckles. “Just try to see us sometime. Finn misses you. He wonders where you went. Hell, you and Leia both disappeared on us.”

Finding a way out, Rey was quick with her words. “I have to hit the gym; I’ll see you around.”

“You better.” Poe pointed before waving her off. “Before you leave answer my first question: how are you?”

Rey contemplated the answer. “I’m fine.”

“I’ll let Finn know then.”

Before he could say more, Rey took off with quick strides. She managed to exit the studio and breathed in the city’s polluted air. Her sore feet were tucked away into plush boots. Being back on her toes caused strain and she’d felt the blisters forming. Her body tried to force itself to heal, but Rey wouldn’t allow it. Rey taped her toes before leaving the studio and each step she took felt as if she were stepping on a nail.

The pain was her friend, and she’d push every boundary she could until she completed perfection. In order to play both swans, she’d need to find balance. She was a good girl at heart, she could embody the white swan perfectly. The black swan though, was a difficult role. Not just for its duality but the technical aspect.

On the subway train, Rey watched videos on her phone of the dances, seeing how immaculate the prima was able to deliver such an alluring, decorative performance. The thirty turns had to be dizzying yet electrifying. Rey needed to achieve that grandeur and the only way to do so was focus and train.

Finn would have to wait. As much as she missed her friends, she had to focus on herself now.

She didn’t want to be a soloist forever stuck in the middle. She wanted that principal dancer role even if it killed her. As she exited the subway and bounced up the steps, Rey kept her phone closed before it was knocked out of her hand. “Fuck,” she cursed as she glared at the inconsiderate pedestrian. “Dammit.”

Rey salvaged her phone and saw the screen was cracked right over Odile’s perfect frame. The crack was large, scarring the device and tarnishing the swan’s image. Rey knew a modern omen when it seemed to call out to her, but she refused to listen. If anything now she had the perfect excuse to avoid Finn. No phone, no contact. Poe would have to give him her best regards. She pocketed the device and went on her way.

Walking through the crowded streets, Rey stuck out like a white rose at midnight. Her steps were soft as she tried to mind her toes. She weaved herself through the people, using them as points on the stage that was the city. Ballet took her mind off things; it kept her focused and poised. Otherwise she’d succumb to her thoughts, alone and divided. The thing about being a soloist was not having a partner to dance with, to connect. She’d been dancing on her own for so long, sometimes she missed the corps.

Rey had a lonely existence. When she arrived at her studio apartment, she went about her surroundings robotically. The apartment sat above a Chinese restaurant and the smell often invited Rey, but she found tonight she didn’t have an appetite. She was too excited at the prospect of Swan Lake, she got to work immediately.

Rey had three mirrors set up in the center of her room to view herself at different angles. The hardwood floor was scuffed from how many times she’d practiced before. Rey took off her coat, throwing it onto the bed in the corner. She then sat down on the floor, taking off her plush boots and examining her toes.

They were swollen with dismay. Despite the tape, one blister had formed and Rey went to mend it. She then took out a box from under her bed, revealing a pair of blue ballet slippers. Rey hastily bends them, knocking them three times against the ground, and slips her foot inside. Her fingers lace the ribbons together, tying them into the perfect bow.

Standing, Rey goes to the mirrors and presents herself as _Odette_ – the White Swan. She does the basic movements, ones that her apartment space would allow at least. Her feet are screaming at her but Rey presses on, finding comfort in her old friend.

Once she completes the main steps, Rey then shifts her body. _Odile_ – the Black Swan.

Her movements are more strained, forced and esoteric. Only Rey knows her body, not like anyone else and she begins to spin. One, two, three – four _CRACK_

“AH!” Rey falls over, hitting the hardwood and clutching her foot. She quickly unties her slipper and slips off her legging to reveal her big toe has cracked. She hisses, seeing the blood ooze out of the thin line and down her skin.

It isn’t an unusual injury, just an inconvenient one. Rey clenches her toes and hisses again when her big toe twitches. Realizing she’d placed to much strain on her body, Rey simply wraps it up with bandage and proceeds to her bed.

She falls flat against the full mattress, taking the blanket and rolling herself into a bundle. Rey doesn’t try to reflect over the day, but her mind can’t help but wander when she’s alone like this.

Rey reaches over onto her nightstand and grabs the pamphlet. _Luke Skywalker, rest in peace._

The funeral had been several months ago, yet Rey still felt an absence in her adopted father’s wake. He once told her no one is ever truly gone, she believed that with her whole heart. But that doesn’t make that space they left less hollow.

Rey had been dancing all her life. She’d been a foster child and spiritually adopted into the Skywalker family. Luke had been her teacher in school as a teenager, and he saw potential in her. Luke introduced her to Leia, who took her on as an apprentice pro bono and was the reason Rey was able to climb the ladder from corps to soloist.

Luke knew nothing of ballet but knew Rey would be in good hands with Leia. He wanted her to train in an art that helped her find balance and focus, something that helped her cope with foster life. He’d had loved to officially adopt her as his own but was never able to obtain that right. They raised her from afar, something Rey greatly appreciated. It was one thing to have many homes, but a home away from home was where she found sanctuary.

Now she was an adult and Luke was gone, to a place between worlds perhaps. No one at the company knew, they had heard Leia’s brother passed which was the reason for her absence, but Rey following didn’t stir suspicion, another thing she was thankful for.

The funeral had proceeded as routinely as it could. Rey rarely ever wore black and to do so made her feel out of place. Leia’s ex-husband had been in attendance, supporting her and his fallen friend. No one knew how Luke died, but they had their suspicions. Rey knew, deep down, she knew it was his time. 

As the funeral went on, Rey noticed from the distance somebody watching them. He was too far away to make out his features, but he stood among the other tombstones, shrouded in black like a ghost. Rey wondered if anyone else noticed and she turned to Leia.

“Who is that?” she asked, pointing in the stranger’s direction.

When Leia looked up, her expression dropped and she shook her head. “Don’t worry dear, just another guest is all.”

Rey didn’t press further, not wanting to push any curiosities on a sorrowful day. She felt Leia grip her hand tighter though, anchoring them in reality.

She didn’t see him again which left Rey to wonder who he was. A former student? Luke was known to be a father type to many who seemed lost like herself. Perhaps that's what it was. She wouldn’t dare ask Leia again, not when they’d suffered such a loss.

Sitting up in bed, Rey set the funeral guide down and crawled out of bed. She owed her life to Luke and Leia, without them, she’d be nowhere, misguided and lost. She needed to honor Luke by honoring Leia at the same time. In the only way she knew how, Rey got back up and stood in front of the mirrors.

She would finish the routine and give them an audition worth remembering. 

* * *

Her apartment windows didn't have curtains, which meant she wanted to be seen. He didn’t care for theatrics or parlor tricks, but the ballerina simply fascinated him to no end. For the last several months he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. What made her so special? He’d grown up hearing about her, how wonderful she was after having a lost and found lifestyle. He felt as if she were competition in a game with no rules. What did she have he didn’t?

Why keep her and send him away?

Kylo watched as she pushed herself in front of her mirrors, spinning and twirling, waving her arms like a bird. He didn’t understand the world she lived in, and Rey may never understand his. He certainly didn’t understand his mother’s obsession with ballet, but that’s how the Solo family (and Skywalkers) were. They didn’t understand one another and that led from delight to dismay.

Still, Kylo continued to watch, allured by the performance Rey was giving him unknowingly. She was like a personal ballerina in a music box, meant to be displayed only when he wishes. He’d find a way in, he’d followed her this long, watching her every move since that day he saw her in black. 

Rey wanted an audience, Kylo wanted to be captivated. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Thank you for reading! This fic is mostly inspired by Perfect Blue/Black Swan, both of which are terrific films. Consider leaving a comment/kudos and pour one out for Rey because it's gonna get crazy AF. Chapter two coming soon! - neonVVitch


	2. sophisticated/crude

A hummingbird was in her chest, pounding against her ribcage to escape. Rey took deep breaths as she watched the auditions closely. Paige executed the part of Odile seamlessly. It was as if there were no boundaries holding her back, her body flowing freely in tune with the music. Paige was able to turn, pointe and jump with precision and ease, like a feather swaying through the wind. Her Odette had been so beautiful making Rey envious of her ability to obtain duality within an audition. How could she ever compare?

Her eyes darted over towards Leia and Holdo who were eyeing Paige approvingly. Rey knew what Holdo was thinking: there wasn’t a point in auditioning other soloists, Paige would get the lead as always. As for what Leia was thinking, Rey could never guess. From her years as an apprentice, to corps and now solo, she could never quite understand how her spiritual aunt saw things.

The studio was packed with dancers, all stretching and viewing the prima with admiration and envy. Rey found solace in the fact she wasn’t the only soloist jealous of Paige, but they too were competition.

Rey sat on the floor, stretching her legs and reaching the tips of her finger to her toes. She wore black today in the form of her ballet shrug, hoping to resemble the wings of a swan. Leia was always impressed with color choices and despite feeling out of place, Rey hoped her wardrobe would earn her extra.

“Rey, let’s see your variation.” Leia spoke, keeping her tone even.

Paige was exiting the floor, passing Rey with a smile. A twinge of guilt formed within Rey. She knew Paige was a wonderful person and kind soul, it felt wrong to think so ill of her. But harboring remorse gets you nowhere in this mirrored world. Rey would have to give it her all, despite her feelings.

Tying her hair back into a bun, Rey stood centered to where Leia was seated. There was still loss in Leia’s eyes, Rey wondered if Leia could see it within her too. They couldn’t let it hinder their decision making though, this company prided themselves on professionalism and poise.

The tune plays and Rey began her Odette variation. She skillfully surrenders herself to the version of herself she knew she could be. Rey was good hearted, virtuous and a source of light within her world. When she dreamed, she dreamed in color, seeing hues she didn’t think existed. This willful naivety let her move smoothly across the studio, fluttering her arms out and jutting her legs as she spins softly as though she were swimming across a lake. She felt one with the music, feeling a pull to the light. She’d danced with an injury but continued on with sophistication.

Odette was a victim, one who was caught in between worlds. Rey embodied that spirit, reflecting onto memories of various foster homes. When her parents abandoned her, Rey felt lost and alone. Odette must have felt the same when she was turned into a swan. Our grievances don’t define us, but they certainly shape our character and Rey found herself dancing as one with Odette.

The last keys of the piano played and Rey readied herself for her finale. But the sharp sound of metal against metal broke her reverie and her body jerked in surprise, breaking her flow and concentration.

Rey felt like she was going to cry. One minor mistake like that could cost her an audition and she looked to the man responsible for disrupting her.

He entered the room with a dark essence, like a spirit arriving uninvited. Black suit, dark hair and a red pin, the man walked serenely, as if he was no stranger among them. Everyone was cautious, like a lion had just walked into their cave.

Rey had seen this vision before, not in her dreams but in reality. She realized this was the mysterious guest at Luke’s funeral.

But why was he here?

Rey felt anger boil within, not caring in the least who he was. Why he was disrupting auditions? She looked over at Leia who was already walking over to him. All Rey could do was stand awkwardly, but thankfully eyes weren’t on her.

“What are you doing here?” Leia demanded, she appeared critical but her tone was concerned.

The man looked to the other dancers before eyeing Rey. She turned away from him, feeling violated by his gaze. “I heard you were beginning a new season. I was curious.”

“Well,” Leia half expected another answer, yet didn’t seem surprised at this intrusion. “I’d appreciate it if we talked more in my office. These are private auditions.”

Rey held her breath.

“I’d like to stay and observe.”

How was Rey ever supposed to focus with this new audience being more demanding than the role? She’d completed Odette and still needed to perform her Odile variation. She heard Leia sigh with defeat and give her approval. This sudden intrusion unbalanced Rey and she turned with her hands clasped in front of her, awaiting instruction. Holdo eyed Ben warily as he stood in the back, away from the others.

He never took his eyes off Rey. 

“Rey,” Rey’s head snapped at Leia’s direction. “Continue.”

Taking a deep breath, Rey lifted herself onto her toes and tried to perform to the best of her abilities. She didn’t have the same connection to Odile as she did Odette. She felt out of place, her wings broken as she twirled. All that pain she harbored came to light, and she felt her feet ache and could hear the cries of herself as a child, wanting her parents back. The memory alone disturbed her and it showed in her movements. She couldn’t display the vice Leia was looking for and as she began the thirty-point turn, Rey only managed to do ten before she stopped, feeling dizzy and sick.

“I’m sorry Mistress Leia, I-“

Leia raised a hand to silence her. “If I were casting just Odette, she’d be yours. What I see from your Odile, is you lack the pull to the dark. There is no force. Who are you dancing for? Not me, not them, then who?”

Rey nodded her head, tears brimming through thick lashes as she tried to hold them in. “Yes ma’am.”

“I believe in you Rey, but I want to see better.”

The next girl was called up and Rey walked over to take her seat, clenching her fists beneath her. She maintained her dignity and didn’t dare cry, yet it was apparent how upset she was. Paige offered a kind hand and Rey took it, needing that comfort even from the competition.

Kylo then left without saying a word. His intrusion and departure was outright rude and Rey blamed him for her jaded performance. Leia said it herself, she wanted to see better and Rey knew she could do more. She felt as if she’d offended Leia with such a crude dance.

* * *

Her dance had been off, but the potential was there. Kylo had watched with intrigue, curious as to how well this promising ballerina would present herself. He’d missed the Odette variation but his main focus was Odile. The results were sub par. He was surprised at his mother’s harshness, thinking that Rey would have been a favorite despite the flaws.

Kylo saw through the performance and knew exactly what it was Rey needed. In order to perfect the black swan, she needed to give herself over to a darker power. He wanted to help her, teach her, form her into a vision of his and not his mothers.

He wasn’t a dancer, Leia tried and tried but he defied her since a young age. Kylo found a new identity and embraced who he was. He believed he fulfilled his destiny, finding a legacy away from the Solo name. He wanted to take Luke and Leia’s prodigy and completely destroy the light from within.

He’d only heard stories of Rey and found he obsessed over her existence through the years. He was never allowed back home, not after he’d been sent away. His father Han wanted him to learn a lesson, one Kylo ignored completely.

So when Kylo first saw Rey at the funeral holding onto his mother’s hand, he’d realized his role in the family had been filled by Rey, his understudy. Luke and Leia be damned, he wanted to disrespect everything they’d worked for. To begin with that, he’d have to possess Rey.

He waited for her outside the theatre, leaning against the wall and inhaling a cigarette. Like clockwork, the door opened and all the dancers filed out. Rey followed last, stopping to adjust her plush boots. Her bag fell, spewing the contents all over the sidewalk and she cursed under her breath. A horrible day just kept getting worse.

Then Kylo talked to her.

“Here.” he kneeled down, gathering her belongings and placed them back inside her bag

Rey turned, eyeing him with contempt. “Give me that,” she demanded, ripping her bag from his hand. She then shoved past him, walking down the side walk and towards the subway.

In turn, Kylo followed.

“Rey,” Kylo called out, hands casually in pocket. “Your audition.”

Rey stopped walking, turning on pointe and eyed him as if he were insane. “What about it?” she snapped.

“It was terrible.”

Rey only saw red.

“And whose fault was that? You interrupted me! Who even are you? What gives you the right to – to-“ Rey lost her words within her anger, her body trembling.

“Mine and I’m only being honest. I know what Leia looks for in a role. I’ve seen it over the years. You’re close, damn near close but it’s still far out of reach.”

“Who are you?” Rey demanded next, clenching her fists.

He stepped closer, discarding the cigarette and offering her his hand. “Ren, Kylo Ren.”

Rey refused to take his hand, not after their first introduction had been so disastrous. “How do you know Leia?”

Not wishing to be so candid, Kylo offered a more side step approach to his relation to the Solo family. “We go back, that’s not important.”

“Whoever or whatever you are, you ruined my audition.”

“I want to help. Allow me to make it up to you.”

Rey went to walk away, uninterested in his approach. She walked down the stairs leading to the subway when she lost her footing and slipped. Just as she was sure to fall, Kylo reached out and grabbed her arm, his other hand pulling her waist back until she was chest to chest with him. The height difference was dramatic and Rey felt like a doll in his arms. 

Feeling the air leave her lungs, Rey looked into Kylo’s eyes and saw a spirit within, one that presented itself deeply. The dark aura that surrounded him seemed infatuating up close, but dangerous by nature. Rey could get lost if she weren’t already walking down a path with no map.

Pulling away, Rey steadied herself and mumbled her mild appreciation. “Thank you, that would have been horrendous had I fallen.”

“Your career would be over before it even started,” Kylo interjected, having the high ground as he stood a step above her.

Rey dismissed him, finally descending into the subway to try and rid herself of Kylo Ren. He followed still, and Rey realized he was hard to get rid of. “What do you want?”

“I already said I want to help.”

“Are you a dancer?”

“No. But I know Leia adores method training. She loves when her dancers immerse themselves into their roles. I want to help you with that,” Kylo explained, following her at her side. “You need a teacher. Someone to show you another side of yourself.”

Rey couldn’t help but be suspicious. “Why me?”

“Because you’ll ultimately earn the lead role. I know it.”

“How could you possibly know that?” Rey challenged.

“I know because I am going to get you that role, personally.”

* * *

“Where’s Rey?” Leia asked as Holdo was turning the lights to the studio off. Leia looked around, searching the rooms for the brunette ballerina. “I have to discuss something with her.”

“She’s gone for the day, she left with the others. It’s a shame how her audition went,” Holdo shook her head. “Her mind left with her it seems. After so much time off, she’ll never make principal.”

Leia protested. “Yes she can, she just needs the chance. But I don’t want to discuss her audition, I was hoping to speak with her before she was gone.”

Sighing, Leia sits down and contemplates the visit from earlier. “My son Ben, I can’t believe he came here.”

“I had a feeling that was your son,” Holdo admitted, taking a seat next to her. “Are you alright?”

Leia shook her head. “Luke’s funeral was the first time I’d seen him in years, and even then we didn’t talk. And now he shows up here? I don’t know if I can trust it. He only showed up to watch Rey.”

“Rey’s a big girl, she can handle that brat boy of yours,” Holdo tried to lighten the mood but found it only upset Leia. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Leia tried to admit denial. “I just worry about my girls, all of them. Rey especially. What if this role is too demanding for them?”

Leia worried not just for Rey, but her son Ben’s sudden interest. She knew very well that once they sent him away, and replaced him with Rey, that their meeting would come one day. At what cost though? She expected her son to be angry, but found he was fascinated by the aspiring prima. A small meeting like that and Leia could tell he was up to something. This wouldn’t be the first time he’s stolen a dancer away. She didn’t want to distrust her son, but she had to be on alert.

For Rey’s sake.

* * *

The coffee remained untouched and Rey found herself nibbling on a small croissant for dinner. The very thought of food made her want to purge, but she may not get that chance as she was spending the late-night hours with Kylo Ren in a coffee shop. He was an enigma, one Rey tried to figure out. Like some riddles, there may not be an answer.

He sat across from her, sipping his coffee quietly. Rey wasn’t sure what fascinated her more, his disposition or looks.

Rey pushed her plate aside, leaning forward against the table. “So Ren, pitch me your idea. How do you intend for me to be Swan Queen?”

He sets his cup down, folding his hands together and leaning forward as well. The table is small and Rey feels as if he’s too close to her. She once again sees into his eyes, gulping as she was afraid she’d be swallowed whole by his gaze. She can also smell his cologne; the scent was intoxicating.

“I own a club,” Kylo began, showing off the red pin on his lapel. “Knights.”

“Sounds sophisticated,” Rey complimented, eyeing the enamel. “I’ve heard stories about you, you’re _that_ Kylo Ren. You’re known to spirit dancers away. I remember a few girls left to join your club.”

“Like Leia, I know good talent. I’m not involved in the ballet world, but I do look for potential where I can find it.”

“If you think you’re going to whisk me away, think again,” Rey commented. “I’m very loyal to the company. I’m their most dedicated dancer.”

“So I’ve heard…”

Rey swallowed the lump in her throat, leaning away from Kylo. “So what do you want with me? I’m not worth much as it is.”

Kylo smirked. “I know you Rey, you’re worth more than you think.”

“People say they know me, but they don’t.”

“I do.”

Rey looked up, shaking her head. “What could you possibly know, we just met?”

“Call it a connection, a bond of sorts. But when I saw you dance today; I saw a girl that needs the opportunity to let go and unlock another side of herself. One she won’t get from Leia. That’s why I want to help you. So you can exceed your own potential. You have the ambition; I can see that in your eyes.”

“But what I don’t understand is _why_?” Rey reiterated. “Why not any other girl in the company?”

Kylo reached out, taking Rey’s hand. The contact startled Rey and she watched as their fingers intertwined. She wasn’t used to physical touch so she couldn’t help but blush.

“I saw you that day, at the funeral.”

 _So it was him,_ Rey thought.

“I knew Luke, he was like family,” Kylo so easily lied. “He once told me about a girl he wanted to adopt, but never could. So he took care of her from afar, giving her to his sister so she can train in ballet. At his funeral, I saw you and knew you were that girl. I believe that this is a way to honor Luke’s memory. To see you reach your full potential, like he always wanted.”

As if he could feel her feelings, Rey was taken back at this sudden enlightenment. She thought Kylo was a crude man, yet here he was sharing her exact mindset. She gripped his hand tight, savoring the contact.

“I feel the same, all I want to do is honor him and Leia. I owe them that much for the life they’ve given me.”

“Talk to Leia. Tell her to consider you for the role or even an understudy. Then come to Knights one day, spend some time there and you can train with me.”

Rey smiled, feeling validated with her emotions and supported on another level. “Thank you, I’m sure Luke would absolutely love that you’re helping me.”

Kylo pulled his hand away to bring out a slim black business card with the Knight emblem printed. Rey took it carefully, examining the fine print and professionalism of the design. She couldn’t help but smile, appearing content for the first time in a long while. This was an opportunity to explore herself, redefine her image and sell Leia on her as Swan Queen.

“You’re very generous to be doing this Kylo, thank you.”

Kylo smirked and knew Rey certainly embodied the naivety and virtue needed to be Odette. How easily she fell for pretty words and a kind hand. He can say that being here with her, after all this time, was satisfying. To finally sit and speak with the girl whom his family held in such high regard when compared to the shame he brought them. The Solo honor would be deconstructed little by little, he just had to train Rey to inhabit sin.

“May I walk you home?”

Rey considered the idea and nodded. “Yes, thank you.”

As they left the café and proceeded down the street, Rey looked over at Kylo and tried to place him in Luke’s life. Luke never mentioned him before and Rey assumed perhaps Kylo was a more recent friend. She had failed her audition that day, but he was right in that she should speak to Leia about the chances of being an understudy. That way she could train as the Swan Queen and take time to train with the Knights. 

Kylo dropped Rey off at home and she happily ran up the stairs and into her studio, jumping on the bed. She smiled brightly, kicking her feet like a cheerful child. This would be it, her chance to do principal and achieve her dreams. 

What will these desires cost her? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are enjoying things so far. Next chapter we'll go more into Rey's psyche and see just what kind of club Kylo owns~ thank you for reading, and take care now! - neonVVitch


	3. rise/fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: self harm

Knocking three times on the door, Rey stood outside Leia’ s office with her heart on her sleeve. She tried to compose herself, appearing mature and grounded. Kylo had suggested she discuss the possibility of being an understudy. She’d yet to contact him again but thought about visiting Knights to see what it was he had to offer.

“Come in.”

Rey opened the door, eyeing the decorative walls that surrounded them. The office was modest, filled with books and plants. Large posters on the wall showcased past seasons, Paige and Poe being proudly displayed. On Leia’s desk were pictures of Luke and Han, as well as a little boy, her son perhaps? Rey was never aware of any other family they might have had, the Skywalker/Solo family were small, something Rey always liked.

Although it occurred to Rey that Leia didn’t display any photos of her in office or at home. It seemed logical, no one in the company knew and Leia may have hidden Rey away to protect her. Even though that was the truly reasonable decision, it still hurt deep down.

Rey greeted Leia with a smile, taking a seat. “Leia,” she said more casually now that they didn’t have eyes on them. “I wanted to talk about my audition.”

“Funny enough, I wanted to talk to you as well, so I’m glad you’re here Rey,” Leia turned in her chair, eyeing Rey apologetically. “I’m sorry about auditions. You know I have to be critical, but also it wasn’t your fault since you were rudely interrupted.”

That was a relief to hear, Leia wasn’t harboring any ill feelings about her dance. Rey felt her anxiety disperse slowly, edging away like waves on the beach.

“I know the swans like I know the back of my hand,” Rey explained. “You know I can do both, you’ve seen it before.”

“Yes, I remember it was your first ballet with me,” Leia spoke nostalgically. “But this isn’t a children’s show Rey. You’re a professional now. I need you to dance with method and will.”

Rey took a dive, plunging herself deep into the ocean without means of safety. It was a do or die question and she’d rather ask than beg for forgiveness later.

“If I may, Leia,” Rey began. “I believe that this role should go to me.”

Leia blinked, astounded at how bold Rey’s words were. “You think I should just give you Swan Queen?”

“Not because of you or Luke,” Rey needing to tip toe around the nepotism she could be accused of. “But because you know me. You’ve seen me from my roots to where I am now. I’ve trained under you since I was fourteen. You know deep down; I have the force it takes to do this role. I can do Odette with my eyes closed, and I can perfect Odile-“

A hand stops her words, Leia silencing her. “Was it your idea to ask or _his_?”

“Ma’am?”

“I’m no fool Rey, I know you well enough you’d never ask for a role you think you couldn’t accomplish, but your modesty wouldn’t allow you. So why are you here?”

Rey felt the waves creeping back in, her beach becoming flooded as the waves crashed around her. “To ask for the role.”

“Beneath that. Why? What did he offer?”

Rey crossed her ankles and folded her hands together, wishing she’d disappear. “He said he’d help me with the part of Odile.”

“At Knights?”

Nodding, Rey continued, her words muddied. “Kylo only wants to help me improve Odile, he thinks I can do it, I just need to immerse myself. I wanted to ask for the role, so I could later earn it. Please don’t be angry with me Leia.”

Taking a deep breath, Leia held a hand to her head feeling a migraine approaching. “He isn’t the kind of person I suggest being around. He’s a bad influence.”

“It’s for Luke, I want to do this for Luke, and you as well,” Rey finally admitted, earning a look from Leia. “I know you lost more than me, but it’s the only way I can think to repay you.”

“Is this you speaking or Be-Kylo?”

“Me.”

Leia shook her head. “Rey, you’re so thoughtful and I’m truly honored. But the way we’re going about it, it makes me nervous.”

“I don’t mean to make you nervous Leia, I just want the chance. If not the lead, then may I be Paige’s understudy?”

“That feels more doable,” Leia sighs once more, glancing at the photos on her desk and eyeing the one of Ben. “Can I trust I won’t lose you to the Knights? He’s a scout, he knows good talent and I fear I might lose you.”

“I’d never leave this company for anything else.” Rey assured.

“Good, you’re better than that. Just know if you go to him, you’ll fall before you rise,” Leia felt herself losing the battle, even the truth wouldn’t sway Rey away from doing what it takes to be Swan Queen. “You’ll be Paige’s understudy. I expect you here daily practicing in the principal studio.”

Rey held her head with her hands, smiling with delight. “Thank you-thank you so much Leia!” her tone cracked, and Rey held herself together but couldn’t hide her enthusiasm.

Just when she was beginning to celebrate in her mind, Leia knocked her down while she stood on pointe. “If you ever ask me for a role like this again, I’ll dismiss you.”

“What?”

“Do I make myself clear?”

Rey nodded hesitantly. “Y-yes ma’am. I didn’t mean to offend-“

Another hand stopped her, Leia waving her off. “Go. You start tomorrow. It better be worth it Rey.”

Rey stood up and walked out of the office, feeling Paige and Poe’s printed eyes on her back. As she exited, she turned to apologize once more but Leia snapped her fingers, ushering Rey out.

Walking down the hall, Rey went straight to the washroom and locked herself in a stall. Once inside, she held herself against the wall, feeling herself crumbling. Although she received part of the role, she regretted ever asking and now assumed Leia hated her, the only family she had left.

Rey pulled the sleeve of her shrug down, holding her arm and sinking her teeth deep into her skin. Her shoulder tried to protest, but she bit further until she tasted copper on her tongue. Biting herself was a terrible habit she hindered since she was a child. It was the only form of release when she was stressed. Upsetting Leia was her biggest trigger and Rey let go and bit again, leaving deep, hollow marks on her skin. She cried; her voice muffled through the bite.

Finally letting go, Rey had two bleeding marks painted across her skin. She’d bit hard enough they’d certainly bruise and she’d simply have to continue wearing sleeves until they healed or scarred. Rey hit her head against the wall, slumping to the ground. She held her knees to her chest, cradling herself.

Coming down from the high, Rey took a few pieces of tissue paper to wipe off the blood and saliva. She hissed, knowing full well what it was she did to herself, but at times she couldn’t help it. It was her way of coping.

_It better be worth it_.

Rey was desperate. She knew Leia would have denied her anything if she didn’t believe she could do it. Rey certainly wouldn’t be going through these desperate measures if she doubted herself. What was it about Kylo Ren that made Leia so angry? 

Could she trust him? Rey began to realize her naivety and questions she should have asked Kylo to begin with. Leia know she’ll be training with him, so that had to be a good sign perhaps.

All this doubt and Rey sat where she was, grounding herself like a child.

She’d go to Knights. Rey wanted to see what Kylo Ren had to offer. She didn’t want to be a scared child anymore, she wanted to be someone worth everything, the girl an audience would come back to see repeatedly. When you’re that loved, people returned to your life. Rey knew that being good enough was the only way people came back.

* * *

_Meet me at Knights. 10 p.m_.

Rey read the text message from Kylo but had to lean close to read each word as her phone was still cracked. She pulled out the Knights card from her bag and typed the address in, slicing her thumb. “Ouch!”

As she walked out of the theatre, she hailed a cab with her bloodied thumb.

Giving the driver the address, Rey sat in the back and tried to steady her already frantic nerves.

She’d heard many stories of ballerinas being scouted by the Knights and taken away. Rey had never considered leaving, she was too dedicated to Leia. What did this club possibly have to make anyone turn away from a dedicated position?

Rey was unsure, but she hoped with everything she could accomplish what she needed with Kylo. The ocean in her was an abyss, and she was scared if this were a mistake, she’d drown.

They pulled up to the spot and Rey paid the driver before stepping out.

Knights was an incredible, upscale club and Rey had never seen such a classy place before. There was a line of people standing behind black velvet rope, waiting to get in. They were all dressed glamorously, Rey felt out of place being in just a long sleeve and tights. She caught the attention of the bouncer, who spoke into his headset. Rey felt immediate eyes on her, coming from all directions.

“Rey.”

Rey stood alert like a soldier, eyeing the bouncer. “That’s me.”

“Welcome to Knights.”

She was escorted in at the protest of those still waiting behind the velvet. Rey felt like she was being ferried to the underworld, her spirit lost yet guided.

The outside was nice, but inside was even more immaculate. A world of red presented itself, Rey eyeing the expensive lounge chairs, chandeliers and crystal glasses. Women hung from the ceiling with red aerial silks, their bodies moving with precision. Rey caught herself staring, enamored by the skill.

People drank happily, all the while a singer was on stage singing an upbeat melody to her audience while girls danced behind her. Rey recognized two of them from Leia’s company. _So the rumors were true_ , she thought.

Rey eyed the stage, watching the dancers and how they presented themselves. They were dressed decently, yet moved with seductive motions, inviting the audience to look closer beyond the lyrics. For a club setting, Rey was surprised to see them perform with such class and grace. They all seemed happy and free, not one dancer looks as if she were in pain. Was it acting or were they truly liberated?

There was a booth in a corner where Kylo was seated waiting for Rey. When he looked up and saw her, he was pleasantly surprised. He thought Leia would compromise him.

Rey slid into the booth, the plush leather cooling down her body. “I didn’t think this place would be so fancy.”

“You can thank Hux for the look,” Kylo commented. “I’m glad you could join me Rey. What would you like to drink?”

“Oh, I don’t drink,” Rey politely declined. “I’d like to get my bearings first. Those dancers, I know them.”

“They are from your company yes.”

“How are they doing here?” she inquired, watching their performance with envy. “They look like they’re having-“

“Fun.” Kylo finished her statement for her.

“Exactly, so what kind of place is this?" Rey asked, looking around and eyeing each beautiful woman with admiration. How they moved must have taken years of training and discipline, she wondered if she could be made into their image. Rey could only imagine herself wrapped in red silk, swaying in the air with no wings, just complete freedom. 

Kylo watched the light in her eyes, her glow was so alluring. "It's a glorified dance club, we set standards for our performers and they entertain to their capabilities. As you can see, everyone here likes it. They get paid well and they earn their audience. They achieved it the same way you're going to." 

Rey managed to tear herself away and she perked up curiously. "How?"

A waitress then brought a set of drinks to the booth, placing them accordingly in front of Rey and Kylo. Rey eyed the clear liquid and felt her throat tighten. “Oh, I said no. Thank you though.”

Kylo slid her glass towards him. “I wouldn’t make you drink when you don’t want to. But I will ask you this-”

“Yes?” Rey leaned forward, trying to hear him above the singing.

“What would Odile do?”

The question alone shook Rey, and she remembered why she was here: to achieve a character study.

Kylo slid the glass back to her and Rey eyed the alcohol unknowingly. “I’ve never drank before. What is it?”

“Cherry vodka.”

“Oh? That sounds sweet,” Rey picked up the glass, sniffing it before taking a small sip. Immediately she regretted it, gagging at the bitter taste on her tongue.

Kylo laughed at her plight, raising a hand to the waitress. “Water, please.”

“Yes sir.”

Rey gagged, sliding the glass away as if it were poisoned. “That was cruel.”

“I didn’t tell you if it was good or not, you had to discover that on your own.”

When the water arrived, Rey took a quick drink, getting the taste out of her mouth. She saw the playful expression Kylo offered and shook her head. “No.”

“You don’t want to try anything else? For you, drinks are free tonight.”

Rey gaped. “I appreciate that but for the meantime I’ll stick with water.”

Kylo chuckled, leaning back casually. “So did you speak with Leia?”

“I did,” Rey took another sip of water, setting the glass down. She could tell him the entire conversation and aftermath, but Rey decided to keep that to herself. “I didn’t get the lead but she made me an understudy.”

“That’s excellent Rey, congratulations.”

Rey smiled modestly, tapping her fingers against the table. “She wasn’t happy I asked but, I did and I got it. Part of it, I mean, unless something happened to Paige I won’t be dancing at all.”

“Let’s hope for the worst,” Kylo said, watching Rey’s eyes widen. “It would benefit you.”

Wanting to object, Rey opened her mouth to speak before closing it. She hated to admit it but he was right. Hoping for the worst would help her excel and take center stage. “It’s what Odile would want.”

“And if she can’t get what she wants, she’ll simply take it by force.”

Rey eyed him closely, registering his words. “What does that mean?”

“It means if you truly want this role, need it as much as you need air, then you’ll do everything it takes to make sure its yours.”

Feeling uneasy, Rey shook her head. “I do want it, but how can I make sure I get it?”

“Sabotage.”

Rey then giggled, coping in a way she knew how. “Oh, oh I don’t think I have it in me to do that. Other girls, I see them mess around with each other, but I don’t have the heart to do it.”

Kylo remained serious, finding no light in her words. “Then you don’t want it.”

“Yes, I do.” Rey challenged.

Reaching over, Kylo took one of the wrapped silverware sets and unfolded it. He set the fork to the side but presented the sharp knife to Rey, who took it wearily. _Where was he going with this?_ she thought haphazardly. He then downed the remains of his drink, folding the champagne glass into the cloth.

He then smashed it, shattering the glass beneath his fist. Rey flinched, dropping the knife where it clattered against the table. Rey wasn’t sure why she picked it back up, but the look in Kylo’s eyes suggested she should. Rey could feel the waves reaching her, pulling her into the ocean and she struggled to swim.

“You have two means of obtaining the lead, one, you hold in your hand. That method is messy and will get you caught. The other mean,” he pushed the bundle in front of her, unfolding it to present the shards of glass. “Is more practical and poetic.”

Rey eyed the shards, knowing full well what he was suggesting she do. _He’s a bad influence_ , she remembered Leia saying. _But what would Odile do?_

Carefully, Rey took the glass in front of her and folded it back up into the table cloth. She kept her hands there for a moment, trying to imagine herself placing these delicate shards in the bottom of her rival’s slipper. It would be a senseless tragedy, one where people will speculate but never know the truth.

Rey felt her stomach turn, a wave of nausea approaching. She looked beyond the silk dancers and singers and fled towards the washroom. It seemed like déjà vu, Rey repeating her method from earlier but getting sick this time. She spit blood into the toilet, the bite on her arm now reopened and raw. She then gagged, her legs trembling as the image of Paige dancing on glass crept through her mind.

What Kylo was suggesting was criminal, yet she hated herself by how effective it seemed. It would be on her to do it, but could she make that choice? She loved Paige despite the constant jealously. Would Rey be sacrificing integrity just for selfish gain? How would Luke’s spirit be honored this way?

Then again, what honor will there be if she never danced?

Rey washed her mouth out before splashing her face with water. She viewed herself in the mirror, hair falling into her face as she brushed the brown locks back. Her reflection then smiled, startling Rey who looked on in horror.

_You have to do it_ her mirror image spoke _i_ _t’s the only way_

“No.” Rey tried to defy herself. “I can’t.”

_Don't be afraid..._

The door opened and a woman stepped in. Rey looked back at her reflection and saw she was normal again, each movement her own. Shaking her head, Rey ran out of the bathroom and towards the exit. Kylo be damned, she wasn’t sure she could do it let alone get away with it. As she made her way out, she looked over her shoulder and saw Kylo following closely. Leia was right, she was better than this.

“No,” Rey turned quickly, whipping her body around. “Whatever it is you’re going to say, I don’t want to hear it. I want this role and I will earn it. Without your help.”

“Rey – don’t leave. Try to understand what it is I’m telling you,” Kylo tried to explain but was met with a slap to the face, Rey’s palm stinging.

“I said no. Respect that,” she snapped. “I’m leaving.”

Kylo held his cheek, shocked that she had it in her to strike him. That only made him more captivated by the tenacity, the look in her eyes was the same look he’d seen before by so many others. Rey stormed out of the club, leaving Kylo alone in his kingdom.

She’d be back, that was his first lesson for her. To plant the seed of temptation. No doubt she’d fall before rising above. He was sure of it. It was up to Rey at this point, she needed to decide what it is she wanted to do. Forever live in the shadows or rise up from the darkness and have the spotlight illuminate her.

* * *

Sitting alone in her apartment, Rey chewed on her thumb as she stared at herself in the mirrors. She was angry at Kylo for even suggesting she harm a fellow ballerina, let alone force her to understand his mindset. Yet Rey sat on the floor with a towel in front of her, the fabric holding together a glass from her pantry. What was she doing, why was she doing this?

She tried to think about Leia and Luke, wanting to maintain her innocence and integrity for their sake. But if she never danced, what would be the point of it all? Forever living in the shadows, no one to see you for what you’re worth and certainly no one would return to see her.

Rey looked at the three reflections of herself, waiting for one of them to speak. Whoever that Rey was, she was gone now, asleep in the back of her mind. A part of Rey wished she’d come back even if for a moment. It would make her feel better, pretending the decision wasn’t hers, that a voice told her to do it. 

But she didn’t come back. Rey was alone.

The glass then shattered by the force of her hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leia - my son, that idiot boy of mine.  
> I'm really proud of the direction this is going and I'm excited to keep writing. Updates will be weekly and pretty soon we'll be getting into the good stuff (ʘ‿ʘ)ノ*SMUT*   
> -neonVVitch


	4. push/pull

_Ben_.

Kylo opened his eyes, peering around aimlessly. He was alone like always. On nights like these, sometimes he heard someone calling out to him; a voice he could never place. Only this time, he was able to recognize the sound of his name coming from Rey’s lips.

It was impossible, Rey didn’t know Ben Solo, she was only aware of Kylo Ren – his alter ego. Perhaps he dreamed it, hidden desires often presented themselves within the mind. It wouldn’t be the first time he dreamed of Rey. In fact, he swears he had a premonition of her before she ever entered his life. Kylo vividly recalled the memory of her soft hazel gaze, her windswept hair and a smile that could hold up the world.

In his dream, he was alone in the audience watching her dance on stage. He couldn’t move, paralyzed as he watched the marvelous dancer before him. Rey’s movements were smooth as if she were walking on air, delicate like a feather. Her arms beckoned him forth, alluring him with a sense of longing and desire. Kylo felt as if he were seeing a sky full of stars for the first time, such beauty couldn’t be unseen. Rey spun around, each turn bringing her closer. She stopped once she reached him, her hands smoothing over his as she held one leg up behind her. She leaned forward to meet his gaze, her lips dangerously close to his. 

Rey would pull him from his seat, bringing Ben Solo with her to the stars and the pair would dance together. When they danced, Ben felt as if they were one within the world, a dyad. His hands would go to her waist, holding her close as she dipped her body back, her arms spread out like wings. Ben pulled her back, feeling her body press against his. He wanted her, no - _needed_ her like he needed air to breathe. He could always tell Rey desired him too, her soft gaze penetrating his center. A gentle hand would press to his cheek and their lips would finally meet.

_Ben._

As always, Kylo wakes up and he’s frustrated that the vision always ended there. The fact of the matter is, Kylo had that dream a thousand times before. At first he never knew who she was. Then he heard of Luke taking in a young girl who became a dancer under his mother’s tutelage. Certainly it couldn’t be a coincidence? As much as he needed to know, he stayed away. To come back would be admitting defeat and Kylo had to much pride to ever submit to his family.

Although when he heard of Luke’s death, Kylo knew he needed to see it for himself. There was always bad blood between him and his uncle, and Kylo viewed Luke’s death as a triumph, a force finally vanquished. He stayed in the shadows, watching as his mother and father grieved. He had more sympathy for his mother but found he could never be the son she wanted him to be.

When he laid eyes on Rey, the girl from his dreams, his intentions then changed. It was no longer about snubbing his family; it was about obtaining Rey. Kylo wanted to lure her away from their world and into his, seduce her as she seduced him in those visions.

He so desperately wanted to see her dance in person, to see how life imitated art. That’s why he so boldly went to his mother’s company, a place he hadn’t set foot in in years. When he heard that the new production would be Swan Lake, he immediately imagined Rey embody the role. From his dreams, he knew she was capable. She presented a light in a world of darkness, and a darkness in a world with no light. To perform that dual nature was to be articulate and self-disciplined, something he saw Rey doing that night he watched her from her window.

Following the music, Kylo walked to the principal studio and let himself in, hoping he hadn’t missed Rey’s dance. His timing could have been better, as she was in the middle of her Odette variation and his intrusion startled her. He would find a way to apologize for that later, he swore that to himself.

When his eyes met Leia’s, he felt a pull in his heart for her. All he wanted to do was hug his mother, not realizing he’d missed her so much. He wanted the past to die but found it too difficult to let go. He had attracted an audience for himself, every dancer in the company watched him cautiously. It had been years since he’d seen let alone spoken to his mother and Kylo felt there were no words to say. He didn’t have to justify himself.

As Leia demanded to know why he was there, Kylo couldn’t help but look at Rey.

She was upset with him, that much he could tell.

“I’d like to stay and observe.”

Leia felt defeated, not wanting to deny her son and cause a scene. So she allowed him to stay to view the auditions, hoping they could speak more later. Kylo once again hid himself in the shadows.

Rey began to dance and Kylo winced when he saw how much her performance resembled static. It wasn’t anything like in his dreams, it had been too grounded. He couldn’t help but feel responsible for her lackluster game and when Leia involved her own criticism, Kylo left having seen enough.

He knew what he had to do to help Rey fulfill her destiny and join him at the same time.

So when he invited her to Knights, he knew she’d be enamored with the club. He made sure the night she came that the place was immaculate and full of entertainment. The silk dancers were brought in, something he wondered if she’d ever trained in. The very idea of her wrapped in red made him crave her more and Kylo found he had to practice self-control. All good things come to those who wait.

He had promised her he would get her the role personally. He knew she’d ask Leia and Leia would grant her the opportunity of being the principal alternate. But for Kylo, that wasn’t enough. The world deserved to see her dance and he was going to present Rey the tools she needed to ensure her success.

All his girls went through the trial at least once, knowing they needed to cross over to another side of themselves in order to meet a Knights standard. Rey’s exercise would be if she had the gall to do it, to sabotage another performer for her own gain. If she were to do so, then she’d have committed an act for herself, and Kylo knew that feeling would draw her to him. It would be one triumph over another.

Kylo had to convince her of the truth. She needed to let go of her integrity and act for herself. So when she went to leave and he followed, trying to convince her, Rey struck him like lightning across his face. He was shocked yet so aroused at the same time. It was hard to let her leave, but he knew she needed to fight her inner battle and decide what to do. 

Kylo had complete faith she’d turn against her own integrity. He could see the desire in her eyes and that inner conflict would bring her into his arms and away from that wretched family.

“Sounds as if you’re obsessed, is that the right way to go about things?” Hux criticized as Knights shut down for the night.

Kylo watched as the silk dancers came down from their webs, and the stage was cleared away for the night. He sat at the bar with the bundle of glass, picking through the shards until he found the sharpest edge. A chorus of goodbye’s sounded through the club, Kylo nodding at each entertainer and waving them off.

Standing behind the bar, Hux took the table napkin from Kylo and threw it into the trash. “Are you listening?”

“Hmm?” Kylo pressed. Him and Hux never got along, they despised one another, but they did good business together which is what made the club successful. Hux’s input was always appreciated, even if it was never called for.

Hux gritted his teeth, grabbing the receipts for the night and emptying the registers. “Nothing. Just don’t fall on your ass.”

“I appreciate the input Hux,” Kylo then pointed behind the bar. “Hand me that cherry vodka. I’m taking it home.”

Narrowing his gaze, Hux grabbed what was asked for and set it down in front of Kylo. “Are you paying out of pocket for this Ren?”

“I own half this place, consider it me taking home personal property.”

Hux rolled his eyes, gathering the books for the night and retiring to his office. “Goodnight Ren. If you go on to hire this girl send her my way. I want to see what all this fuss is about.”

Kylo let him handle the statistics and accounting often as Hux was good at it. Other than that, the men made it a mission to only discuss business with one another, nothing ever personal. Was he obsessed as Hux suggested, or just heavily interested in Rey? No, that was the same thing, there was no point in trying to reason within himself.

Taking the bottle home with him, Kylo returned to his empty apartment and drowned his sorrows. At first taste he could see where Rey didn’t appreciate the liquor. But after taking it straight, the flavor turned and Kylo got used to it. Loosening his tie and falling back against his bed, Kylo took out his phone and messaged Rey.

“ _Dear Rey_ , no that’s too formal,” he shook his head, taking another swig of his drink before typing again.

After typing and deleting various characters, Kylo tried to find a message worth sending in the middle of the night. Part of him wanting to ask her over personally, so he could apologize. The boy within him held to much pride for that, but he wanted to fill the empty space in his bed.

Instead, he sent a follow up message to their earlier conversation, one that would get the idea clear across.

_Make it count Rey_.

* * *

Night turns into day, and Rey walks to the studio with her bag close to her side. She’d skipped breakfast once again which made her feel light headed and dizzy. She was far to focused on the task at hand than to properly start her morning. She didn’t bother to tie her hair back, letting it flow freely. Her grey shrug covered her bite marks, all three of which bruised during the night. When she looked at herself in the mirror this morning, they were a deep violet with hints of red, a contrast to one another on her marred skin.

Physically, Rey was exhausted. The night before at Knights certainly took a toll on her and all she could focus on was her anger not just at Kylo Ren, but at herself. She’d went through and carefully picked out the smallest shards of glass and wrapped them in a silk cloth. The small bundle was currently in the pocket of her sweatpants when truly it felt like Rey had placed weights at her side. She walked into the studio, keeping her head bowed as she made her way to the principal room.

Inside was Poe and Paige, preparing for their pas de deux together. Rose was there, talking with her sister and twirling around playfully. Rey felt her stomach drop once she saw them all, feeling so disconnected from everything lately. The color drained from her face when Leia turned, motioning her over.

“You look sick Rey, is everything alright?”

Rey nodded, lying through her teeth. “I’m fine, just didn’t sleep much last night.”

“Go get warmed up, you’re dancing principal today in the other studio room.”

Rey looked up and met Poe’s gaze, the dancer offering a kindred wave. Rey waved back, turning away and heading down the hall to the other rooms. There was no way she could do it, Rey refused. The lights around her were flickering, and Rey felt a pain forming in the back of her head as she tried to stay upright on her toes. She was alone in the principal room surrounded by a hundred images of herself.

Staring at herself from all directions, Rey snapped her fingers and watched as the effect echoed around her. It had to have been her exhaustion to realize such an image, but her movements refused to match hers, leading Rey to believe that other side of her was back.

Rey approached the mirror, reaching a hand out while her other images simply came forward with a dark look. “Who are you?” Rey demanded, watching as her reflections slowly mirrored her hand. 

When their hands opened up, a thousand shards of glass fell and Rey immediately reached into her pocket and saw that the bundle was gone. “No! No, no, no!” she hadn’t placed anything in Paige’s shoes yet, in fact she’d been reconsidering it entirely!

Rey ran from the studio room leaving her reflections with sinister smiles.

Running down the hall, Rey looked to the ground, wondering if the glass had fallen from her pocket. As she retraced her steps, she heard a scream from down the way. Everyone began to gather to the source of the noise and Rey felt herself drawn in. No, had she truly done it?

Poe ran out of the principal room, carrying in his arms Rose. Paige followed closely, her heart reaching for her sister as her left foot was bleeding. Everyone watched in horror as Rose was ushered to the nurse’s station and her slipper was removed, revealing small pieces of glass embedded into her skin. Rose cried as Paige held onto her hand and Leia began yelling at the crowds to return to their respective rooms.

Rey didn’t remember ever placing the shards to begin with, let alone placing them in Rose’s slippers. Had she gotten them mixed up? How could she have, when she didn’t do it to begin with?! Rey felt a pulse in the back of her head, crippling her with a migraine. Leia pushed her away from the scene, snapping at her.

“Go!”

Rey made her exit, running down the hall and collecting her things. She felt sick, she needed to escape from this place before it all came barreling down on her. She didn’t do it, she didn’t! But who did and where was the glass!? All these questions and more had her reeling, and Rey fled the company that day and out into the streets, bumping into pedestrians. Rey then fell, catching herself with her hands and scraping the surface of her skin on the jagged cement. She hissed in pain as a kind stranger stopped to help her back to her feet, minding her fall. Rey thanked them before they went on their way. She then looked down, her body now trembling.

Rey had blood on her hands. 

* * *

_I need to talk to you,,, Now._

Kylo was surprised at the early morning message, and more surprised it had come from Rey. He had just stepped out of the shower and checked his phone, seeing it’d been sent just a few minutes before. He pinned her his address, and not even fifteen minutes later, she arrived on his doorstep.

“Rey-?” he questioned, seeing the state she arrived in. She was disheveled, her hair a knotted mess and she held her hands out to him, revealing deep scratches. Kylo then grabbed her, pulling her into his home and sitting her down on the sofa. “What happened?”

“I don’t know-“ Rey choked, her hands shaking in front of her. “I don’t know what happened, it was all so fast.”

Kylo went to the bathroom and brought out a first aid kit. He was quick to dress her wounds, Rey gasped in pain when he sprayed peroxide against her palm, watching the blood begin to fizz. “Shh,” he soothed her, wrapping her hand up with white bandages. “The pain will soon go away.”

“Will it?” Rey asked like a child, tears in her eyes. “Will it ever?”

“Tell me what happened, from the beginning.” Kylo instructed as he began working on her other hand, the wound much deeper. She’d had a rough morning, that much he could tell. But had Rey gone through with what he’d suggested she do with the glass? He wondered if she’d been capable.

“I- I don’t know. I went to the company and saw Poe and Paige getting ready, Rose was with them. Then I went to the other room,” Rey purposely left out the part about the hundred other version of herself, not wanting to appear insane, although the situation itself was crazy. “The glass wasn’t in my pocket. I don’t know what I did with it. Then I heard Rose scream and she’d been hurt.”

Rey spoke through the tears as Kylo finished nursing her hands. He held them delicately, watching her unfold in front of him. “Did you put the glass in the wrong shoes?” he suggested.

“No! I didn’t put the glass anywhere – then she got hurt, I didn’t want to hurt anyone!”

Thinking of it as more of a technical mistake, Kylo could see why Rey was tearing herself up over the situation. It had been up to her to act on his words and she’d clearly done it, she just missed the target. Seeing her in such turmoil, it made his heart break and slowly, and oh so carefully, Kylo pulled Rey into his arms.

Rey at first rejected the motion but found herself sinking further into him. She sobbed into his chest, her hands gripping his dark shirt as she imploded. Kylo held her close, resting his chin against her head. He’d asked to much from her and it was wrong of him.

“There’s a lot I’d like to apologize for, and you were right – I shouldn’t have asked this of you.”

“It’s my fault though,” Rey chocked. “I did this. I knew you were right and followed through. I-“ her voice began to fade and Rey felt as though she were holding onto Kylo for dear life.

“What?” Kylo asked, a gentle hand meeting the back of her head.

“I think…there was a part of me that did do it. She…she did it and now-“

Rey went back to that room, watching herself through a hundred images and each mirror began to shatter until only one remained. In her horror, Rey saw her final reflection step out of the mirror, obtaining a physical form and likewise, Rey fell back, fearful of herself and what she could become.

“I think there’s a dark side of me that wants _out_. She’s tired of waiting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos always appreciated! Thank you for reading~  
> -neonVVitch


	5. day/night

As much as Rey wanted to leave, she found herself staying in Kylo’s home. Day had quickly turned to night and her stomach was still in knots. From her earlier outburst, Kylo offered a valium which she readily took. Now Rey was tucked into the couch, sleeping off her anxiety and wrong doings of the day. In her haze, she watched Kylo tip toe around her, setting a glass of water down and making sure she was comfortable. Rey wasn’t used to someone caring for her like this, having always been alone and taking care of herself. Kylo was surprisingly patient with her, and at one point put a wet cloth on her head to help cool her down.

Rey felt relaxed under the influence, all her worries of the day seemed to go away. Her admission to Kylo about the woman she saw earlier was taken in stride. He didn’t call her crazy or delusional, he told her that he understood who she was talking about and consoled her. Rey always felt her lonely existence would never be validated before meeting Kylo, as if they’d established a connection. Perhaps they were bonded as he suggested that night in the café.

Rey partially blamed Kylo for what happened to Rose. But Rey was dismounted from her high horse when Kylo reminded her that it was her decision to place the glass, even if she didn’t remember doing so. Rey still went into the company that day with a goal in mind. Rey knew they were both responsible and she’d bear the consequences. She just so desperately wanted this role she was willing to sacrifice a piece of herself to get it. At what cost will she gain? Did she even deserve it at this point? Rose was an innocent bystander, harmed by her (supposed) hand and Rey will forever harbor that guilt. 

Waking in the middle of the night, Rey sat up and placed the rag onto the table before her. The valium had since worn off and she felt the world coming back to her in bursts. She stretched her body, feeling her toes pop into place. She had no idea what time it was, the dark sky looming outside the window was her only indicator it was still nighttime. Her mouth felt parched, so Rey took the water and downed it in a few gulps. Water had never tasted so refreshing, once she was hydrated she set the glass back down and looked for her phone.

In her bag she found the device and when turning it on, 3:03 AM was illuminated through the cracks. Rey groaned, having lost the entire day and she wondered where all of it had gone. Speaking of things that were gone, Rey soon realized she was eerily alone in that strange apartment. It was quiet, surreal, and no signs of life other than her. Carefully, Rey turned on the lights, shielding her eyes from the glow. Once her vision adjusted, she had more time to examine the apartment as it was.

Kylo had an exact taste, she realized. The color scheme was either black, greys or small hints of red, a very neutral contemporary setting. Rey looked upon various art pieces on the wall, trying to figure out their meaning and purpose. What bothered Rey most about the gloomy space were the lack of personal items. Kylo didn’t have any photographs hung up, no candid memories put out for display. There was nothing that would indicate a hobby or other interests. It was as if he had filled a home with what was necessary to _look_ like a home but could never be filled with warmth.

Rey walked into his bedroom, looking for anything that would indicate another side to him. The place was well organized and immaculate, Rey couldn’t help but run a hand over the dark sheets of the bed just to put a groove in the smooth space. Her hand then wandered to the nightstand, pulling the drawer open and shoveling through its contents. Cigarettes, condoms and a bag of-

“Oh!” Rey had picked up the small bag full of white powder and then dropped it, slamming the drawer shut. Recreational use or not, Rey knew not to touch things like that, lest she compromise herself. Kylo liked to have fun it seemed, or maybe it helped him focus? Either way for Rey cocaine was uncharted territory. She knew of other ballet dancers who used it as a means of focus, or to stay skinny. It wasn’t Rey’s type of discipline.

Rey stood in the bedroom, swaying on her feet awkwardly as she viewed another target. On the dresser there was one photograph, something personal! Rey tip toed over and took the frame into her hands, examining the figures in the picture. Leia, Han and a little boy with tousled dark hair. Rey blinked, recognizing the boy as the one from Leia’s desk. She never knew of any other children they might have had, but if this photo was anything but proof, then that would mean Kylo-

Interrupting her thoughts was Kylo himself walking through the front door. He tried to be quiet, like a teenager sneaking back into their parents’ home. Rey wasn’t waiting to chastise him for the hour, in fact she was glad to see him after being so nosy. She wanted to know more.

“Oh,” he said once he saw the lights on, an empty couch and Rey exiting the bedroom. “How are you feeling?”

“A little better,” Rey admitted, brushing her hair back behind her ears. “Um, where did you go?”

“Had to deal with an incident down at the club, everything is settled now,” he said with an apologetic gaze. “I’m sorry you woke up here by yourself, I was only gone for an hour.”

Rey assured him it was alright. “It’s fine.” her mind wandered back to the photograph and she eyed him curiously.

Catching her stares, Kylo titled his head. “What?”

“How do you know Leia?”

Kylo held his breath, it was too late in the night to be having this discussion. “I told you, we go back-“

“Who are you Kylo?”

The question alone was enough to stunt him, it was a question he asked himself for years while fighting his other half. He didn’t believe he owed Rey an explanation, but despite her naivety, she was smart and ultimately made the connection before he even had to answer her.

“You know already. But that doesn’t change anything.”

Rey shook her head. “I think it puts new bearing on our relationship, considering you want to train me and Leia herself told me not to trust you – her own son.”

Hearing it out loud after so long, Kylo bit the inside of his cheek to contain his temper. “You don’t know anything.”

“That’s why you were at Luke’s funeral, he was your uncle. Han and Leia, they asked about you, and I didn’t know who you were but- what’s your name? Real name?”

“It’s Kylo.”

“Bullshit.”

Calling him out, Rey stepped forward and appeared toe to toe with him, leaning up to stare into his eyes. “Just tell me, who you really are? I think it’s fair, I admitted things to you earlier, and now you return the favor.”

Kylo narrowed his gaze, not appreciating the look she was giving him. Stone cold, calculated and demanding, everything a prima ballerina should be and more. He knew it’d be a matter of time before she figured things out, he just didn’t expect it to be so soon.

“Ben. Ben Solo. But I don’t go by that name anymore.”

“Ben…”

The sound of his name on her lips almost broke him, but Kylo resisted and tore away from her wretched gaze. “This doesn’t alter anything Rey.”

“I can’t believe you’d lie to me about something like that.” Rey persisted.

“I didn’t lie to you; I simply didn’t tell you.”

“Same thing!”

Kylo walked away and Rey followed, her curiosity turning to frustration. “Tell me the truth Ben, why do you want to train me? What do you gain from me becoming Swan Queen? Do you want me to join your little club, be a silk dancer? Am I means to get back at your mother? Just tell me!”

“It isn’t like that!” Kylo barked, stopping in his tracks. “Don’t throw around conspiracies when you don’t even have the right proof. I simply want this for Luke, as I said before. You want the same.”

Rey eyed him defiantly, capturing him in his lie. “It’s what I want, but I’m not so sure you actually care.”

“What do you want Rey? To forever be a soloist who never prevails, or do you want to be great!? That’s what I am offering!”

“But why? I feel as if I have to keep asking, _why_?”

Not holding back, Kylo turned on his heal with the grace of a dancer and captured Rey off guard. He put his hands to her face, brushing his thumbs against her cheeks. He leaned down, his nose pressed to hers and Rey felt herself holding her breath. She’d never been this close to someone so…intimately. Kylo pressed himself closer, and Rey could see the brown craters of his eyes. Unknowingly, there was a part of her that wanted to run a delicate hand through his wavy dark hair, a temptation she tried to withhold.

_“Because they don’t deserve you.”_

They stood in silence, the pair persuading the other to act first. Whoever did would lose, but by this point it was obvious that Kylo had lost to himself. Feverishly, he pulled Rey into a kiss, his arms moving to her side. Rey felt a million thoughts crash over her in waves by the sudden action, and she felt surprised. She’d had boyfriends in the past, no one serious and here this man, Leia and Han’s son, was infatuated. He kissed her as if he’d known her all his life, and with that Rey couldn’t help but return his passion. This was a new side to her she was discovering, one that felt good.

Her arms slowly wound around his neck like a snake, holding herself up to his tall height. Their lips fought for balance, and Kylo pulled away, his forehead to hers. “Open your mouth, open it-“

Rey did as she was told, and she felt Kylo’s tongue enter demanding more. Rey wasn’t entirely inexperienced, but it had been awhile. She remembered her first kiss which was sweet and when compared to this, she could only think of how possessive it all seemed.

Yet she wanted it.

It fit the role perfectly, Odette was cursed and turned to a swan, a perfect victim. She was possessed by Rothbart and with that she found another side of herself, the lustful twin Odile. Rey felt like two in the form of one, exploring by any means necessary and she boldly reached for Kylo’s belt. Before she could act on the impulse, Kylo backed her into the couch where her knees hit the edge and she fell back, Kylo caught her and laid her down gently. Their dance was modest and intimate as he attacked her exposed neck, Rey moaning with a curl of her toes.

It had been to long for Rey, she almost forgot what to do. Her hands explored where she could, Kylo pinning her down deep into the sofa. Her legs wrapped around his waist, securing her place as she put a hand through his hair, her fingernails scraping his scalp. Kylo bit down onto her skin, leaving marks and claiming his territory. Rey yelped when he bit down hard, pulling his hair in response and Kylo groaned against her heated skin.

His hands feathered over her body, from her neck to her breasts. Traveling further, Kylo reached down under her waistband with curious fingers. Rey grabbed a fistful of his hair, gasping when she felt a single digit slide down her sex. “Ky-“

“This is me seducing you Rey,” he breathed out. “How does it feel?”

Rey held her breath, grinding her hips into his hand. “W-wonderful.”

Her body reacted in time with his fingers, Rey feeling ribbons of pleasure wrap around her. She moaned, mouth a gape as her body shuddered, her arm flew back behind her head, fingers gripping the couch pillow as she writhed. Kylo worked wonders, her sighs of ego encouraging him. His other hand reached for hers, holding it tight. Rey tried to search for what name to moan, Kylo or Ben? She dared to look down, to see what he was doing to her body and when their eyes met as she looked back up, Rey felt even more wanton. He had such soft brown eyes lidded with pleasure.

Kylo leaned to kiss her neck once more and hummed a sweet song, singing with her pulse. Rey arched her back, hips jerking up as she tried to be closer to him and Kylo quickened his pace. Those feelings kept building up, up, up, and Rey felt a coil within her tighten, wanting to be released.

She never let go of his hand. “Ky…” Rey threw her head back. “Ah - ah!”

The heat rushed to her center, Rey curling her toes as she felt that edge! She thrusted her hips forward, primal as she felt that emotional and physical high build higher than she was. Fuck, fuck - oh fuck! The wave crashed over her, senses going numb as her body rose and shuddered, muscles tightening -FUCK! Rey cried out, riding out her orgasm as long as she could, body high and intense. All these feelings at once, she had tears in her eyes-FUCK!

Rey fell back onto the couch pillows, body coming down in a crash. Rey heard a ringing in her ears, she had held her breath and the blood was rushing back as her legs fell limp as her body shook, her core pulsing with pleasure. She could see many colors in the room past the red and blacks…

She lay there on the couch, still fully clothed and dazed as she felt the afterglow beginning to fade. Kylo’s hovered over her body, placing his wet fingers to his mouth as he tasted her. His other hand was still intertwined with hers, and Rey thought he’d never let go. Rey’s mind was clouded but focused enough that she thought she’d return to the favor. Her free hand went for his belt, but Kylo grabbed her wrist.

“No.”

“But-“ Rey tried to protest, wanting to keep him in consideration but Kylo shook his head.

He fell against her, their bodies molding together. He captured her lips to his, running a hand through her messy hair. Rey pressed her hands to his chest, feeling the contour of his muscles. She wanted him now more than ever but he resisted, practicing temperance.

“They don’t deserve you.”

The statement that begin this endeavor. Rey sighed, kissing his cheeks. “Do you truly believe that?”

“Yes,” he bit at her lip, releasing it and kissing her forehead. “The world doesn’t deserve you.”

_“Why?”_

“ _Why_ do you doubt yourself?”

Rey flinched at that question, always thinking she wasn’t deserving of much as she had come from nothing. Now she found herself acting out of turn, wondering who she was becoming. As she lay there on the couch with Kylo, wondering how her obsession with Swan Lake led her there, Rey shook her head. “I don’t think I’m anything.”

“Wrong,” Kylo immediately said, leaning to look at her. “You have it within you, to be something. That family held you back, and now you’ll flourish.”

Rey wanted to ask about his family, there were so many questions she would have to save for later. But Leia, Han and Luke always took care of her, what had happened with Ben to make him despise them so? It didn’t feel like an appropriate time to ask, but Rey wondered since this intimate moment had happened, had it been a mistake?

Or was it simply training?

“You seduced me,” she finally breathed out, sitting up.

“I did. That’s how it should be with the audience. Only the other way around,” he explained, sitting up with her and placing a hand to her cheek. “I want you to captivate me, as I did you. Not now, but once you earn the title you’ll come back.”

At the mention of the role, Rey shuddered and the guilt began creeping up again. “Rose-“

Kylo brushed her hair back, cupping her face with his hands. “Don’t think about that.”

It had been a lovely distraction from the incident, but it was all Rey could think about. The memories crashing onto shore suddenly and pulling her out to tide. She shook, and Kylo offered himself as an anchor so she didn’t drift further. 

* * *

The next morning, Rey walked to the company and there were hushed whispers all around. She wished she could have begun that morning satisfied with the night before, but like the masochist she was, the sweet pain returned. There were a few eyes on her, leading her to wonder if they knew or suspected her? It would be fitting; she was the understudy and a sabotage plan at the suggestion of Leia Organa Solo’s son seemed to just go hand in hand. Rey hated herself, but if she were to succeed she’d have to move on.

Kylo was a man who had bite and Rey’s neck was covered in feathered bruises. She went into the dressing room to cover herself with a thin veil of makeup, hiding any and all evidence of her misdeeds the night before.

From her reflection, she saw Poe walking towards her and his visit didn’t feel right at all. “Leia wants to see you.”

Rey felt her heart drop. This was it, she was done for.

“You called me ma’am?” Rey said as she stood front and center in Leia’s office, feeling as though the jury was about to hand down their judgement and commit her for life.

Leaning back in her chair, Leia adjusted her glasses as she looked at Rey. It was hard to read her expression; she didn’t appear angry or hurt. Then again Rey was also struggling with the fact that the photo on her desk was the same boy she’d spent the night with, and she had so many questions pertaining to that. But she’d never get to ask, not now that it seemed her career was over.

Leia eyed Rey carefully, studying her posture. “Are you wearing makeup?” Leia then asked.

“Y-yes, just a little coverup,” Rey then admitted, wishing Kylo were here to anchor her once more with her feelings drifting to sea. “What did you want to see me about?”

With a sigh, Leia folded her hands together and leaned her elbows on the desk. “Paige is stepping down to care for Rose at this time.”

Rey felt the color leave her face. “Is Rose okay?”

“She is. Her foot will heal, and she’ll dance again,” Leia explained. “We found out who did it.”

Rey knew this was her last moments alive.

“One of the girls from corps,” Leia began to explain. “-her and Rose weren’t getting along and after it happened, she admitted to it and has since been dismissed. It’s disgraceful. Now that leaves us with you.”

Blinking, Rey stood confused and a bit scared by this new information. “It was another girl?”

“Yes. This wouldn’t be the first time you girls messed with each other, but this time it went to far,” Leia shook her head, standing from her seat to approach Rey. “As it happens, we can’t help but bend the wills of others. Paige is stepping down from the production which means-“

Rey held her breath.

“– you’re our new Swan Queen. Congratulations.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me updating the eventual smut tag to smut - ♡ ( ˙꒳˙ ) ♡  
> As always comments and kudos greatly appreciated, let me know what you think so far!


	6. ben/kylo

Dancing with Poe was a trying exercise. Rey found herself unable to track him and their movements were less than poised. Poe was surprisingly patient, which Rey was thankful for. Being her first principal role, Odette was fearful yet enamored with the prince which Rey found hard to describe with Poe. Rey tried to set aside their personal friendship and see him as her one and only, but her mind went to Ben instead. It showed in her performance, rehearsals hours were long and straining. Leia chastised her and Rey took each criticism to heart, knowing she needed it in order to become better.

In her dressing room, Rey ran her hands over her face and took deep breaths. Since she’d been granted the role of Swan Queen, she was met with admiration and Rey wasn’t used to such glamour. She’d been a nobody for years, dancing only in solo roles and then hiding behind the curtains. Yet her and Poe posed together for promotional images and the posters were plastered everywhere, reminding Rey of what she had accomplished and what was to come.

Yet Rey felt undeserving of it. Rose was still fresh in her mind, like a seed planted that was now sprouting roots. Rey didn’t understand what happened, who this girl was that claimed to have done it and what happened with herself personally. It was stressful to think about and Rey tried desperately not to let it hinder her performance. _Easier said than done_ , she thought to herself, _what would Ben think?_

She hadn’t spoken to Ben since they’d spent that night together and Rey wondered where their relationship stood in terms of professionalism. It was hard to look Leia in the eye, Rey feeling ashamed of her intimacy. Since Leia announced Rey’s role, her phone was flooded with messages from him and Rey ignored him completely. In her mind he was Ben Solo, that was the only thing she could come to terms with. He preferred to be called Kylo and Rey found herself unsure of who to turn to. Kylo or Ben? Who was it that offered such comfort in her trying moments and who was it that wanted to train her?

That was why she ignored him. Rey wanted to focus on her role and tracking with Poe, knowing she needed to sync with him in order to enhance their performance together. That would mean reaching out and coming together with old friends, something Rey was fearful of but needed to embrace.

“Poe?” she asked when she exited her dressing room, catching him in the hall. “How are you and Finn doing?”

“We’re great,” Poe replied. “He’s still been asking about you. I told him we were dancing together in the show and he was happy for you.”

_Finn is a good friend_ , Rey always reminded herself. She had been avoiding both him and Poe for to long and she needed to be in the right headspace in order to outdo herself. Taking a leap of faith, Rey decided to ask, “Is the offer still up to see your new place and have dinner?”

Poe’s eyes lit up. “Yeah, of course! About damn time, really!”

“I know, I owe you and Finn both some quality time.”

“That you do,” Poe smiled ear to ear, hands on his hips. “How about tonight at 8? I’ll send you the address.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Poe took out his phone and pinned her the address, Rey brought out her cracked device and saw she received the notification. “Damn girl, what happened to your screen?”

“Dropped it, unfortunately,” Rey admitted. “It still has life though, that’s the charm of it.”

Laughing, Poe patted Rey on the shoulder. “I’ll see you later, Finn’s gonna be ecstatic.”

He walked away and left Rey alone. It was a very normal thing to do, dinner with friends. Despite overwhelming guilt and anxiety, Rey kept herself afloat in the rapid waters.

Grabbing her bag and slinging the strap over her shoulder, Rey turned the lights to her dressing room off and shut the door. As she made her way down the hall, passing her former soloists’ envious eyes, Rey saw a familiar figure leering by the door.

“Rey.”

When he said her name, Rey immediately turned a sharp corner and went an alternate route. She knew these halls well and she could go undetected easily. There was another exit through the stage and Rey opened the door and entered the empty auditorium. She walked quickly, her legs gracefully leading her away from Kylo to avoid that awkward confrontation.

As she stepped onto the stage, Rey looked over to the sea of red before her. All these empty seats would be filled opening night to see _her_. It was a strange feeling, being the center of it all and knowing people wanted to see you dance. To be entertained, enthralled and devastated by an act Rey graciously would give them. She remembered what Ben said, _they don’t deserve you._

He held her in such regard, Rey didn’t understand it. Between his alternate names, his parentage and alluring presence, Rey couldn’t face the unknown with him as much as she wished to.

Rey pushed the curtain back and allowed herself through, seeing the set being built. It was going to be a beautiful set, she could tell. From the hanging moon and silky backdrops, she knew this would be hers if not now, then soon. Rey tore herself away from the scenery and approached the backlot of the stage, seeing the neon green exit sign lighting her way.

As she made her way towards it, Rey reached out and opened the door where the bright lights of the city blinded her. In that moment, the figure came back and pushed her back inside. Kylo stood before her as her vision adjusted and Rey gasped.

“You-“ she began before he finished the statement for her.

“-have been ignoring me.”

He wasn’t wrong, Rey knew that much. She went to walk away but Kylo followed close and eventually took her arm, using her as means to step in front of her. Finally facing her after all their time apart, everything Kylo had wanted to say to her suddenly left him and all he could do was stare her down.

Rey mirrored his gaze, not looking away. He searched her eyes for feeling and Rey could only offer apologies.

“I’m sorry,” she broke the silence. “Things have been chaotic.”

“Chaotic is the correct term, but I’m more hurt you didn’t tell me personally you got the role.”

“It was sudden, I still haven’t come to terms with it myself,” Rey admitted, crossing her arms. “Leia has been very forward and tough on me, but I need it to train.”

Kylo narrowed his eyes. “You also need me.”

“Ben-” Rey tried to make up an excuse but found there was no true reason she didn’t need him. He believed in her in a way not many did. Yet she was fearful of that, not understanding why.

“Kylo,” he then corrected her, taking her face in his hands. “I wanted to tell you congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Rey breathed out, stepping away from his delicate hold. “Did you chase me down just to tell me that?”

Kylo scoffed. “I was hoping you’d come to me and tell me yourself, but I found out through word of mouth instead.”

“Well, I’m sorry but,” Rey tried to find another excuse and instead opted for the truth. “I think what happened the other night between us and you being Leia’s son – it was a lot in such a short time.”

It was his turn to apologize. “I’m sorry if I overwhelmed you.”

“It’s alright Ben,” Rey balanced her weight on one foot, looking down at the ground. “I just need to focus.”

“Kylo,” he corrected once again, meeting a sharp look from Rey. “It’s all apart of your training. I can help you focus with whatever you need.”

“Through sex?” Rey challenged, her cheeks turning scarlet. “Professionally I don’t think that’s how you train a ballerina.”

Kylo smirked. “I never said that, what happened was a moment of will and passion. I have other plans to train you Rey.”

“You seduced me.”

“I did, don’t make me brag now.”

Rey rolled her eyes and shoved past him. “You’re unbelievable.”

“I think you’re at war with yourself,” Kylo followed her out to the stage. “Otherwise why ignore me?”

It was Rey’s turn to smile, spinning on her heel to face him while still stepping backwards. “Did I shatter a part of your ego _Kylo Ren_? I’m sure I’m not the only girl you’ve _trained_.”

“It isn’t just about sex Rey.” Kylo then snapped, his voice deep and militaristic.

Rey stopped and held a hand to the strap of her bag, shaking slightly. “Then what is it?”

It took a moment for him to answer, knowing he had to choose his words wisely lest he scare Rey off. It was true, he had compassion for her, but he wanted her to succeed beyond his mother and this company. He wanted her to rise above, to stand great with _him_. 

The silence disturbed Rey and she felt the need to ask him. If this was about making an honorable performance in her late friend’s grace, then why did Kylo seem to have different intentions? She had captured him in his lie, knowing full well he didn’t care about Luke, Leia or even his own father Han.

“What about Luke?” she asked, her expression dropping as she began to feel disappointment. “I owe them my life, whether they deserve me or not like you say. I want to train with you, but I want to train with Ben, not Kylo.”

“What?” Kylo then gritted his teeth, not liking the way she was trying to separate him. “That’s ridiculous Rey.”

“What’s so ridiculous about it? The other night I didn’t spend it with Kylo Ren, it was Ben wasn’t it?” Rey set her bag down and approached him cautiously as though he were an animal daring to strike. “That’s why I’ve been at war, like you said. I see myself and I get scared. Then there’s you, who understands that. I’ve never known anyone to comfort me the way you did, beyond intimacy. But who is it that I am talking to, Ben or Kylo?”

He clenched his fist, looking away from her penetrating gaze. “I told you, Kylo.”

“Ben…”

Rey reached a delicate hand out, her fingers feathering against his cheek. Slowly she turned his head to face her, centering his look to hers. She looked up at the craters of his eyes and saw a war within. It seemed she wasn’t the only one fighting a battle. Rey then ran an eager hand through his dark hair, feeling how soft the waves were. Leaning on her tip toes to try and match his height, Rey made a daring move to kiss him.

He didn’t deny her kiss, in fact he embraced it. They were behind the curtain, hiding from an imaginary audience with the moon hanging above them. Whether the training was about sex or not, Kylo still wanted her to dance in red silks and leave the company after Swan Lake finished its run through the season. By the end of this he wanted to possess Rey and have her as his own so that they were together.

They wouldn’t have to feel alone anymore if they had one another.

Rey pulled away first, watching her effect on him. He had said he wanted her to captivate him as he did her, and Rey wondered if she’d succeeded in reaching Ben.

He was quiet and Rey nodded. “I’ll still train with you,” she promised. “I just have to collect myself. I know you understa-”

Kylo grabbed Rey and pulled her back go him, kissing her roughly. Off guard, Rey wasn’t ready when Kylo backed her into a pillar and lifted her legs under his arms. The force of movement made her gasp and Rey reached out to Kylo, her hands on his face. “Kylo-” but he stopped her by kissing her again, his tongue dancing with hers as he hooked her legs around his waist.

Rey wrapped her arms around him, turning her head where he then attacked her neck. They were on the stage, against the set, and Rey only hoped nobody walked in on them. She thought about the consequences of these actions, where it could lead. Yet that other side of her, that one so desperate to escape, wanted this more than anything. It was exciting, something Odile would do compared to Odette who would be to modest. Rey couldn’t figure out if this was training or simple pleasure, but she was done trying to come to terms with it. All she knew in that moment was that Ben/Kylo was here. He was real and he wanted her.

Kylo consumed her and moved his hands over her breasts and further down to cup her sex. His fingers teased through the fabric of her leotard and Rey moaned a sweet song. Daring and bold, Rey reached her own hand down and felt for Kylo’s belt. This time he allowed her to undo the leather and free him of his confines.

Rey felt him and ran her hand down his length, feeling it harden. “Is this captivating enough?” she breathed out, kissing him again and biting down hard on his lip. Kylo moaned into the kiss, bucking his hips against her hand. He held her up and began to remove her shrug, revealing her bare arms.

She had marks on her skin, something Kylo took notice of immediately. “Stop-Rey-”

Rey ceased her movements and breathed against his heated skin, not understanding. “What’s wrong?” she let out a lengthy sigh.

“What happened?” he touched her upper arm, fingers tracing the outline of what looked like teeth marks.

Looking down, Rey then felt fully aware of herself and covered the marks with her hand. Suddenly she felt ashamed and embarrassed, the thrill of a high was gone and now she could see Kylo looking at her worriedly.

“Nothing.”

Her legs fell from his waist and met the floor, Rey stumbling as Kylo held her upright. Rey pulled herself away and put her shrug back on to conceal herself. “Rey.”

“What!?” she snapped, unknowing of the rising temper within her.

“Tell me what happened.”

Rey shook her head and shoved him away. She walked to collect her bag and made her way towards the exit. She didn’t want to talk about it, let alone explain herself about her own shame. Unsurprisingly, Kylo followed her and demanded an explanation.

“Rey. Talk to me.”

“ _Go home_.”

Rey threw the doors open, disappearing into the light and leaving Kylo in the dark.

* * *

Dressing for dinner, Rey wore a sweater over a dress and boots to hide her aching toes. She felt the need to cover herself completely that evening. When she arrived at Finn and Poe’s place she was greeted with more than a warm welcome.

Finn walked over to her and pulled her into a hug. “Rey! It’s been way too long! I missed you!”

“I missed you too,” Rey put on a brave front, smiling through her pain. “Dinner smells great.”

Poe was in the kitchen, rattling on through the various dishes and skillets. Rey admired their new place and gave her approval. It was a way bigger apartment than her studio and she didn’t even want to imagine the rent. Living together probably made rent easier, if not doable. It also helped Finn and Poe had a relationship prior and moving in together was a big step. Rey found herself happy for them, if not a bit envious of the happiness they shared.

“So, the new Swan Queen,” Finn nodded his head, setting a drink down in front of her. “You get to dance with Poe, I am so sorry.”

“Hey-!” Poe threw out his own defense from the kitchen. “It’s an honor, really.”

Rey giggled, taking a small drink of water before crossing her arms, folding into herself. “It is. I’m glad my first principal role is with Poe; I trust him not to drop me.”

“I got you sweetie,” Poe pointed with a kitchen utensil, grinning as always.

Finn sat down in front of Rey, and she felt so much guilt at having avoided such good friends. In her state it was difficult to reach out, to explain herself and justify her loneliness. Since being in foster homes, people were difficult for Rey and she knew she had to focus on herself or else she’d fall. Finn and her were from the same home together, which made their friendship everlasting if not understanding of why there was distance.

“How have you been? Besides ballet and all,” Finn asked, folding his hands together. “I heard you took some time off.”

Rey looked at him, trying to see if he knew. But like everyone else, Finn was in the dark about Luke. “I did, some personal time to heal from a small injury. It was pretty weary, not being able to dance. But I got some much-needed rest.”

“That’s good and look, you come back and land Swan Queen. That’s amazing Rey.”

For once, Rey didn’t want to talk about the role or ballet. “How have you been?”

Finn shrugged. “Still in between jobs but getting there. It’s been quiet since I got back from active duty, but I try to find something to make up for the time.”

“I’m so proud of you,” Rey smiled sincerely. “I’m glad you’re home, I know Poe missed you.”

“Damn right he did,” Finn chuckled. “I missed him. I missed you too, come on tell me what you’ve been up too.”

Rey took in a deep breath and bit her lip, trying to think of the right answer. “I’ve been focusing on the role, honestly. I want to be perfect and, well, that takes a lot of training and discipline.”

“Trust me Rey, you’re gonna kick ass.”

Feeling Finn’s reassurance helped Rey through her ordeal. “I hope so.”

“Dinner’s ready, come and get it!” Poe announced as he began to set the table.

Rey and Finn stood up together and walked to the table. Rey didn’t really have an appetite but would force herself to eat only to purge later. As she went to take a seat, her phone’s notification went off and she looked at the cracked screen to see it was a message from Kylo.

She opted to ignore it but after leaving things the way they had earlier, she felt anxious. She held the phone under the table and opened the message, reading through the fractures.

_When you’re ready to talk, we’ll talk._

Kylo had such patience with her, it was almost unnerving yet Rey felt her anger with him lift from the message. He was giving her the time she was asking for and that’s all she truly wanted. Whether this message was from the heart of Kylo or Ben, it didn’t matter. It was kindred, heart felt and full of understanding.

“Sorry,” Rey looked up at Finn and Poe. “Just responding to my landlord about some pipes.”

Her fingers typed out a reply before Rey pocketed the phone back in her dress.

At Knights, Kylo was seated at the bar and watched his phone diligently, waiting for an answer although he was sure it would never come. Just when he thought hope was lost, the screen lit up and Rey had responded.

_Thank you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sorry for the late update, I had midterms and I'm currently on spring break but I found some time to finally write~ I hope you all enjoyed the new chapter! Comments and kudos fuel my soul!  
> \- neonVVitch


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